We are put here to Live, Love, Laugh, Learn, and then Leave, hopefully leaving some small part of ourselves behind to have changed the world in some small way. This is what I believe. Yes, the bit about the dance is part of my own unique philosophy also. I have been through a lot of terrible, horrible things in my life.
I have lived through fires, floods, earthquakes, and tornados. I survived a husband who was murdered and was widowed at the age of 32, leaving me with 5 small children at home to raise on my own. I have been stalked, terrorized, held hostage, beaten, and almost killed. I have lived through 4 childbirths, miscarriage, and a cesarean section. I have had nine major surgeries and a few minor ones. I lived through an automobile accident with a severe head injury and a broken nose where I was in and out of a coma for 3 days, and they had to do reconstructive surgery on my hand. I had severed all the veins, arteries, and nerves in the back of my hand. They told me I would probably never use two of my fingers again. I then went to college and spent 15 years typing for a living.
When one of my sons was a baby, he was in the hospital six times before he was a year old, mostly in an oxygen tent. He was on an apnea monitor, he had numerous bouts of pneumonia and croup where his throat would swell almost shut. My youngest daughter was almost 3 months premature, and she spent 2 months in the NICU before she was able to come home. The same son who almost died as an infant was in a motorcycle accident in 1996, suffering from a broken neck, a fractured skull, and a severe head injury. I watched them drill holes in his skull. He went through two spinal fusion surgeries within the next year, wearing a halo device for a time and a neck brace for almost two years. Believe me, though, I have known others who have been through worse and also survived.
I have also had some wonderful, exciting adventures. I have been happy, ecstatic, wondrous, loved, and loving. I have had marvelously good times. I've seen Disneyland and Disney World, the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore and Yellowstone Park, I've been in 38 states out of 50 (so far). I have camped in the Washoe desert, the Redwood National Forest, at Lake Tahoe, in the Badlands, and many other places. I've seen Old Faithful, the Painted Desert, and the Petrified Forest.
I have watched my children, step-children, and foster children grow into fine adults and young adults. I've watched God bring two of my children from the very edge of death back into life on more than one occasion. I watched my grandchildren celebrate their first Christmas and their first birthdays. I've watched them bury friends and family, both sets of my grandparents, a husband, my father, a dear brother-in-law, a dear sister-in-law, and my much-loved mother-in-law - even kids that I babysat for, had as foster-kids, and a 22-year-old niece.
I have been terrified, fearless, in love, heartbroken, angry, joyous, sad, happy, depressed, on top of the world, and even suicidal at times. I have survived. I am content now. I believe in life. I believe in God (my creator), and I have my own faith. My faith has gotten me through so many things in my life, good and bad, tragedies and triumphs. I thank God he has allowed me to keep my faith and hang on to it, because sometimes it has been the only shelter I have had.
I believe the answer to life is very simple. We are here to live, love, laugh, learn, and then leave. No more, no less. A very tall order. In learning, we teach others to do the same. In teaching, we learn. What better way to learn something than to teach others? What better way to get over something yourself than by helping others?
My belief in God or the Creator is rather convoluted, I guess. As a child, I was raised in Pentecostal churches with very strict beliefs. As I grew older, my father and I had many problems between the two of us. When I left home, I was convinced that, if God was anything like my father, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I really felt that I needed some type of faith, however. I investigated just about every faith there is. I read non-stop, every single thing I could lay my hands on. I read about WICCA, witchcraft, Mohammed, Buddha, Mormons, Mennonites, Amish, you name it. I also attended many churches, looking, seeking answers. At the age of 19, however, I returned to the Pentecostals and attended Bible College in Springfield, Missouri.
No matter what their doctrine or what their beliefs are, the man who ran that Bible College told me something there that I have never forgotten. Brother Bill Brittain told me, "Do not ever believe anything just because someone else tells you it is so. It does not matter who that someone is, me, another preacher, whoever. You read for yourself, investigate, and pray about it. Then, you decide. The Bible says 'Each man must work out his own salvation in fear and trembling before the Lord'. You need to figure out what is true and right for you, because that may not be what is true and right for someone else. Never judge other people, because what they need and what you need from your faith and your God may not be the same things -- and you WILL be judged in the same fashion that you judge other people".
That has stuck with me ever since then, and it is one of the basic beliefs that I hold. Later on, as I investigated my Native American/Indian heritage, my husband and I were adopted by another tribe where we had become friends with a large family of the Mesquakie tribe. We attended powwows, learned the dances, and we investigated the philosophy of the Creator that Indians hold. Ah, a perfect fit.
Lots of people think that Native Americans worshiped (or still do) many gods. That's not true. They view the Creator as the supreme God. Everything else has a spirit, men, women, trees, animals, the earth itself. Everything. All the spirits were created to help man on his journey through life and back to the Spirit World, where he, in his turn, would help others or be reborn until he (or she) had grown enough to help others. Sort of like angels or guardian angels, if that helps draw a parallel. Wisdom is not necessarily learned over one lifetime.
Over the years, I have finally came to the conclusion that none of these religions are entirely right -- and none of them are entirely wrong. Each belief starts out with the same basic premise, that there is an ultimate creator, and that creator is responsible for all of us being here, and that the creator will answer prayers or requests of simple, humble people. Most also have the savior story, the story of Jesus, or the Messiah, or the child of the creator, who came to earth to save the father's creations, his children, from themselves. I think all these stories are true. I believe that there are many languages in the world, and the creator has as many different names as there are languages. It is all the same being, in my opinion. I believe that It doesn't matter which name you use for this being, as long as you have faith and believe.
I never worry about whether people believe in astrology, or tarot cards, psychics, preachers, churches, crystal balls, or whatever. I think that, if you have faith, it will all work for you. The Bible says, "ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord". Basically, there is good and evil in everyone and everything. You will get what you wish for, what you look for, what you hope for. I have done astrology charts and tarot cards, and I don't think I am an evil person. I have attended church at many different types of churches. I have studied tons of different books, religions, and different types of "Bibles".
Many of the doctrines that churches hold are Man's doctrines, not God's doctrines. Not that I am anti-church either. I just believe that people must do what's right for them, and nobody should judge someone else by what they do or don't do or what they believe or don't believe, just because it's different from what they believe. There are a few basic things that are just wrong in life, you know, lying, stealing, killing, cheating. Other than that, we have to figure out what's right or wrong for us.
I had someone ask me once, "How can you appear to be so matter of fact about your life, so cheerful, so giving, with all the crap you have gone through in your life?" I replied, "Well, I guess you either have to laugh or cry about it, and I would rather be laughing than crying". My sense of humor has carried me a long way in life.
My father told me something that has gotten me through many things in my life. He once told me, "If you fall down in the mud, you have two choices. You can either choose to lie in the mud and whine and cry about being muddy; or you can get up, brush yourself off, and continue on down the road. If you choose to lie there and whine, you will never get anywhere in life, except muddy.. If you choose to get up and go on, you will make it." I have chosen to get up and go on. I continue to choose to get up and go on. I feel it is the only choice that works for me.
I also feel that God, my creator, has allowed me to go through all these things in my life in order to teach me something. Everything is a learning experience. Perhaps I have gone through what I have so that I can help other people who I meet in life. He's also managed to see that I got through it all alive and with my faith intact.
Remember to take everything with a grain of salt... Never decide that what's right for other people is right for you. YOU are the only person who can decide what's right for you and what works for you. What's right for you is not necessarily right for everyone. You should never put someone else's beliefs down. It only makes you look bad, not "right".
Above all else, no matter how bad your situation is or gets, someone in life, somewhere in the world, is in a worse situation than you are. Always remember to be thankful for the things you have, even if it's not much at the time. Bad things happen to people who do bad things to other people. Good things sometimes happen to bad people, and bad things sometimes happen to good people. In the long-run, though, it all evens out. Everything that comes around goes around. Good will always return to good people in the end.
If the counter works, that's great. If not, every visitor registers as Visitor "1". I figure that's ok too. That way, all my visitors are number "1".
Updated 5/22/07
