John was a good man, and he had a good heart. He didn't always make the best decisions in his life, but most of us have that same problem. He battled with substance abuse for many years. During the time we were together, from 1983 to 1990, he was in drug and alcohol treatment 9 times. He kept fighting, and he kept trying. The last time was in November and December of 1989. He was clean and sober for most of what remained of his life.
John was shot to death in his car in the parking lot of Leo's Lounge in Des Moines, Iowa, on the night of May 29, 1990. The Des Moines Police Department has never solved the case. By this point in time, I am inclined to believe that they never will. I guess it really doesn't matter at this point, because the person or persons who killed him will end up paying for it sooner or later, if not in this world, then in the next. I am a firm believer in some things. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason, but maybe we don't need to. I also believe that what comes around, goes around; and People who do bad things to other people will eventually have bad things happen to them.
I have my own memories of John, some bad and some good. I have heard people in the midst of a divorce say, "It seems like it would be easier to be widowed than divorced". Well, let me tell you, it isn't. It seems at the time that your whole life, a life you built with and around someone else, is shattered. You then have to figure out how to gather up the broken pieces, put them back together, and manage somehow to go on. For a long time, it seemed like it was only a nightmare. I kept thinking that, sooner or later, I would wake up and it would all have been a bad dream; and we would be laughing and crying and bickering about silly things as usual. Well, it wasn't a dream. I didn't get a chance to say Goodbye then. It took me years to even be ready to say goodbye.
I got married in July of 1999 to a wonderful guy who has become my best friend, The greatest Love of my Life, and one of the best things that's ever happened to me and my kids and grandkids. Lee and I have been friends for many years. He was also a friend of John's. Together, we have built a pretty good life. We have a beautiful home on a beautiful acreage in the Missouri Ozarks. I am finally able to say goodbye to John. I will never forget him. The bad times sort of fade away in memory, and memories of the good times will always linger on. This was taken on Valentine's Day of 1990 in Tama, Iowa. This is how I choose to remember John:
